Same Cast, Different script

Every year is a treasure hunt for me, which defines treasure here as in term of “Relationship”, “Career”, “Personal growth”, “Good Health” and “A balance life”. Thus, every year is unique. I’d held the same cast for over years as I noticed, therefore with different script. As a result, I may find the true treasure, which is “the meaning of life”.

It’s like a dynamic character in theatre, same person casting a different script – only evolve in channelling the right emotion to flow.   That is how me, Danielle Assiaticca looked at it. 

So this year of 2010 bring a new level in me of perceiving life and the course of seeing things differently. As we all lived from today onward and no one and no things are exclude from the course of nature; I am not afraid of getting old, because age is just a number – we acquire maturity along the way as a significant mark of a long life which to guide ourselves to make the right move and to have life in perspective. Let’s cherish our regrets and accomplishment because that’s what made you and me for all those years.

With this opportunity, as my travel journey of life – honoured me to write and I’ll honoured you to read on what I want to recap of the highlight in my life of 2010, and It’s not  a galore but a written faith.

“Something over the rainbow”

This year has been quite a complicated for me in term of relationship, well I’d been through lots, but this time it’s different. Who has the higher authority when it’s comes to personal feeling. I’m not sorry to anyone, maybe I hurt too many or too little out of my consciousness. Maybe I fall, crushed or liked someone in short term, and like I said; “It has been a complicated year”.

Honestly, I’m heartbroken by some people that I do trust, and sometimes its challenge my trust towards them – occurs in certain occasion. This people I used to call them my best friend forever – BFFs. So what the hack, I have never has one. Through many years, developing trust within this circle, share laughter, a shoulder to cry on, and strongly instils the understanding, completely turn into something worst at the end.

Yes, this year; things just getting vague, people easily get blind-sided by one version of story. Do they much trust on the twisted story that the real truth. Yes, it’s pain in the ass for you guys to have a “person” in that circle. As long that person didn’t admit what I’m telling is true, the only true...I’ll sacrifice ours relationship, I step down easily. I just had enough for that particular person to be let go easily. I just want to wish all of you to have a better life, and truly from the bottom of my heart, things aren’t just right for me.

That’s all about friendship. ~~~

“You have a great smile; you are capable to open up someone out from the shell”

It was an inspiring comment; leave a remarkable mark for the rest of my life. A definite thanks to that person such bringing my morale so up high.

Back to the square one, do I really have that capability? If I do, why at this time it’s still hard for me to open up myself to another people? Rhetoric question; Am I getting cold inside? Had the Antarctic wind blew deeply at the core of me and froze it?

Cut the long story short; I did tried to open up once again. I was blind-sided, I thought I knew, and I was totally being led. I knew I was being led; I have some sort of feeling that I can’t get through it by myself. Damn it. I cursed, cursed and cursed.

So now, it’s only a memory that I cherish and forever to live it with.

Up to date, I have much a stable life; expecting new comers and stranger... experiencing feeling that I never knew I have and just looking forward for what the categories fall to “relationship” that will bring me next.

Health elixcir - Seri Sentap Chocolate Cookies

My hormone is unbalance; and it shows. Life is unbalance; and I feel it much. Lately things coming in, that dashing with diva’s attitudes and crashes the party, and so much to blame so much to ponder which spoiled the mood.

his in silhouette

“from afar, I saw you watching me through my broken window, you know I’m helpless...struggling to fit in, to make a step, and tears started cascading; I know you’ll always be there, I saw your footprints, still we’re afar, and I know I’m much safer beside the moon tonight because when I am a silhouette, I have no fear”

I found myself wrapped in darkness and mounted upon the lighter contrast of background, and here I am, seeing myself. It is the best sight that I ever seen, me in silhouette.

“Picture speaks thousand words” -- therefore silhouette does speaks differently, as it is a mystery that need to be deciphered regardless it is a scene consisting of outline and a featureless interior.

The world belongs to everyone, and everyone in there is in silhouette. The world become brighter by image when we break the ice, - the silhouette fading and become clearer, from where the shape and outline maintain still, features embedded and colours translate – become a world of familiar.

Inspired from true story, which all emotional still intact and yet fresh from sobriety,

I said “let me write, and let you read”...and
You said. “Lets it always be his in silhouette”...


His in silhouette

“Open I and you can see a broken gallery, don’t bother because it can’t be fix”, Once. I said to myself. I looked at the key pendant that locks all history.
Out there, the world promises nothing. Without anyone notice, maybe – here goes my story, where two worlds shared laughter, cries and secrets.

It was a lonely night and rain poured.

Nothing changed accept that eagerness to look forward on what will be served on table tomorrow by destiny. Without any moment of postponed, life started to kick out – gave shots of excitement. Through the wonders of spider crawl and waving with threads of electric plug, I met someone online. Interesting eh? Well...

It’s lasted for few hours, and both decided to call the day off without any string attached.

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Days passed, as I have no close to any intention to get to know someone, particularly letting stranger into my world where I always kept it safe. But that says me! Thing happens reversed. I let that stranger in...Yet I was thinking, I should open up and gave it a try.

As time passed by, both now were mutual, though both from a total different world and yes “opposite attracts”. And I believe that, the stranger and I, like each other as companion. Hair grows, plants grow, and everything nourished as time goes by.

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The valentine

As clearly as I recall, it was Friday. Cupid had to worked double shift, and Chinese were celebrating their festive. It was Chinese New year cum valentine. The town was a dead town. All shops were closed as the Chinese majority conquered the cash flow world.

Flawless, I thought it would be lonely yet I was wronged – I have the stranger. Supposedly the stranger need to attend a wedding at Pontianak, Indonesia, however the stranger canceled maybe because the stranger want to spend time with me, perhaps on this special occasion which was the valentine. So that what was I’d been thinking. Aha. Don’t you think I’d been overreacted?

Well we did spent time together, from AM to PM. I enjoyed every tick of it. And my heart sung “A-ling, A-ling, ling-A-ling, A-ling”. I’ll treasure it as I’m writing it now.

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13 March -- conflict

Things were getting slow. Both knew, it will not work between us, yet both were to egoistic to say it out loud. – Nothing much can be shared, and argument start to spark. Morale were down, cupid had to resign, and no more enthusiasm for companion.

As found and lost box were the initiative for finding and losing, here it is, the ended relationship throw in the box. A way it must be returned to the real owner.

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30 June – Missing
As weird as it might sound, I am starting to miss the stranger. The stranger put me back into my perspective, and I have no regret knowing the stranger. Yet I knew, it was my decision to protect my world from shatter, and its hush and rush. For better than worst; it must be done, and I’m letting the stranger go.

The only thing remains now is, “his in silhouette”
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I’d learnt from washing dirty laundries

Diva off! It’s either you or I stepped down from that pole or neither one will be standing...lately I’d been wrapped by the feeling of overthrown or is it just hormone that boost at this time of age, and you know what, I just can’t figure it for myself!

Or maybe it’s right to have such feeling, because I noticed that one moment that I was thinking, and one moment that I blinked twice...which, that couldn’t be a bad sign, right? Even worst, hope it’s not a bad omen. I’d been struggling to keep myself in one piece, I mean with all of the dramas as my daily supplement, and facts that “I bite too much than I can chew” as a wakeup calls. Everything is not all right for me, -- I don’t really in a circle of friends, and I know at all time I’m not the favourite on the menu, includes by the end of this year, higher possibility that I’m contributing much percentage to the unemployment rates. Well, this is not the thing that normal person will put in their wish lists, right? I mean what can be better when you secure a job, with demanding pay off, living it like New York styles, and laughing at everyone’s dirty laundries?

Yes, at this age it’s devastating and pulling me off to drown... I’m not expecting that you’ll understand enough what I’d been through for the past of five years of my life after graduating. Top of my wish lists is to just secure a juicy career, promising growth...personal growth, and many growths.

As I’m writing, I’m employed with contract which I just can’t foresee where the trail leads will. I’m writing out of my frustration, and I promise this is not to vent for channelling feelings, but hey, this one inspired me, at least!
Okay, I might feel relief for a little for while without taking any pills prescribe for joy, so I guess I call the night a day off! So I’ll write when I feel to write and I found something interesting to write about.

We might be individual, distinguish regardless our unique thumbprints, therefore we do still have something in common despites of physical appearance, culture, preferences, and one thing for sure that the most commonest things that we share on this world, is s.e.c.r.e.t!!

Xoxo...Danielle Assiaticca

Higher with a sip

Feeling nauseas today! Halloo~ put a ring on me and I’ll insert the smiling chip back...bringing back the memories by thoughts we knowing someone is painful enough, maybe aspirin would lighten the headache...O.M.G! Nauseas...

Having sip of my cigar & then come to me a thought, -- why should I keep my world so wide that I can’t even to travel in it, and why don’t we make a short trip, way that we can drop and sight-seeing? This thought brings me up to a new level into looking for a new start of relationship... And by any means, relationship was meant to be mess up, if you’re someone that willing to take the risks of thrills. I am so a big fans of dramas. Here again I’m writing things that most matter for me, which is relationship. By definition; it can be any related-chain; verbally or not so verbal that you’re having with someone, regardless casual or not.

When I was a little bit high, sipping and exhale the addiction; I’d determine to keep my world limited, a special edition one. So I’m going to take advice from one of my friend “keep your contact limited, at the end of the day, only few who really care on what a wonderful world you’re having” Yes! And I’m surely will go for that... Thanks for waking me up!

Hye biatches! Swallow this and no apologies for you if I’ll never update or catch up any updates with you to-date! You should feel sorry for yourself, don’t you think? By the way, secret won’t die, but relationship will and does.


Xoxo...Danielle Assiaticca

Therefore it’s to inspire only me. At least!

Life is all about subjective, unpredictable.—we throw darts on blindfold, anyone agree? Raise your eyebrows! Ahahah... yet, life run itself in clockwise; that we will never hold the upper power to stop at a second. It’s a journey, a mission, and a move on process. We, by conscious or not, tend to make life more objectivity. As I learnt today, some make clearer to their life by owning an adjoin boundaries or territories; some happen to live on legacy; and by all means of  honoured, our life seems similar to animal kingdom, by hierarchy - the strongest lead, the weaker always follow. How sweet can it be on how universe works, isn’t it?

At the end of the day, it does always settle a question and an answer to us – will I just let life passing by? -- I’d been given chance to at least breath my own air, to do things at my own pace, to make my own history and discover mystery...And of course for sure, I will not let others to share or to have it all.

Easy talking than doing, Mine; I can say it’s on the edge, roller coasting. I have decided to write another blog with different theme which conjure associatively with “pillow talk, chalk & rain check”. This might be a baby step, but I can see a mileage to run, or maybe walk.

“Pillow talk, chalk & rain check” – triggered by the most recent activities that I own now, a practice of becoming a socialite, an exercise to interpret and getting the right cues.  “Pillow talk, chalk & rain check” is a blog that will write about real life dramas, conspiracy and obviously it’s real, - without mentioning any individuals. By purpose, it’s not for selling, not for counter back, or not to vent any dissatisfaction, therefore it’s to inspire only me. At least!

by Danielle Assiaticca